The Useless Handbook
by calabaza-azul
Summary: Erik Killmonger ruled his life by three basic and elementary principles: break the rules, the end justifies the means, and do not fall in love. And then, all of the sudden, he finds her, the exception to the only rule that he never thought he would break. They want to change the world - she saving lives and he ending them. But in the handbook of love, the instructions are blurred.
1. Chapter 1

**The Useless Handbook**

 **Prologue**

 _How do I save you from the things I've been?_

 _I can't deny the past, it's written on my face_

 _How do I save you from the mess you're in_

 _When I can't make you leave this torturous embrace_

 _Emilie Autumn, Save you_

* * *

Erik Killmonger ruled his life by three basic and elementary principles: break the rules, the end justifies the means, and do not fall in love. Each step brought him closer to his ultimate goal: to destroy those who took everything away from him. And what happens with the rest of the world? He used to tell himself that he also do it for them. When the time comes He will use all the power and resources that Wakanda could provide for the people's liberation, but deep down, he knew he did not care that much.

 _Breaking the rules?_ He was a natural for those matters. That was the reason He had discovered his father's treasures, his ideals, his true origin, and it allowed him to know that it was _them_ who killed his dad and left him to his fate. And since then breaking others schemes became his personal flag, as well as becoming the smartest and strongest man of each team He had belonged in. And if they challenged him or tried to make fun of him, He was more than happy to humiliate them on their own terms. And what better way to fuck the system than by infiltrating their privileged security team? To become the most lethal ghost, capable of scaring the most experienced guys of the group.

 _The end justifies the means?_ He learned that when He was just a child, his _beloved uncle and Wakanda_ taught it to him first-hand, and he memorized it quickly. So He soon realized that in order to obtain what He needed, it was essential to twist the ways to his advantage. He played half-truths games, He learned to lie looking right into people's eyes, and He betrayed his allies and became even closer with his enemies. Murdering became a sport, so breaking hearts, literally and metaphorically, was as easy as breathing, which led him to his third law.

 _Not falling in love_ \- the simplest of all. Erick doesn't want to love women; He never had in his plans a happy family, because such a picture never happens in reality, at least not for him. He just wanted to have them and mark them, so they would not forget that H _e was the best in everything_ , and if He could get something else from them, such as access to confidential information, then He would make a little bit of effort, just lies, tricks and then He discarded them. It was so easy and effective, owning for fun and pleasure.

All of his rules were followed with precise dedication in order to kill T'Challa. Every day He proved to himself that He was better than him, and there would be no more pleasant death than his. And then, all of the sudden, _He met her_ , the exception to the only rule that He never thought He would break.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** after watching Black Panther, I was completely amazed and captivated with this Marvel saga. So I decided to put my grain of sand in order to make this community bigger :) My apologies if I made a lot of grammar's mistake, English is certainly not my first language! The fanfic title is based on a homonym song ( _Manual sin instrucciones_ in spanish) of V for Volume. Thank you so much for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

**The Useless Handbook**

 **Chapter I**

* * *

 _Haven't we met?_

 _I looked into your eyes_

 _And my world came tumbling down_

 _You're the devil in disguise_

 _Madonna, Beautiful Stranger_

* * *

Erik had decided that every time he ended up with a brother or sister's life, besides eventually stopping the Vibranium lock, he would contribute to his people. They were only small acts - things that allowed him to go unnoticed for the world. So he shared a little about one of the things he treasured the most: his knowledge of African traditions. Therefore, he used to give educational talks to children from marginalized areas so that their collective memory would not fade away.

He tried to go to Oakland every time his schedule allowed him, it helped him to stay focus on his purpose – otherwise he would get lost in the middle of so many deaths. In this way he could remember that he did not kill because he was a murderer, but because his cause required necessary sacrifices.

It had been almost a year since his last visit, at that time a care center for children and teen was about to open. It was supposed to have multiple areas - social work, recreation, culture and sports, with a clinic next to it. So he contacted the cultural manager to schedule a couple of conferences.

He toured the neighborhood for a while. He was born there and somehow he also died there the day his father was taken away from him. He saw the poverty, the social inequality, the palpable injustice, but everything would be solved once it ended with T'Challa. With that in mind he arrived at the center, they were already organized in the amphitheater and after the introduction by the managers the lecture began.

 _"Africa is our mother, the land from which every human being should feel descended. It is the return to the deepest and truest of our being. It is our roots, the source of our existence. Africa is the eternal beginning…."._

* * *

Definitely, today was one of those days when you cannot wait for it to end. Not only was the tiredness of so many hours of continuous shift, a collapsed emergency room and lack of medication, but what took the most of her was giving everything and not being enough. The same patterns repeating all over again.

She became a doctor because _we can save the world_ thing, _the let's go and help the forgotten ones_ naïve idea. When she graduated, she enrolled in the _More Doctors Program_ and spent six months treating children at the Amazonian rainforest. And when she returned home, she started her residency in pediatrics and then won a spot for a fellowship program in tropical diseases.

She spent two years in _Doctors Without Borders_. At first she was grateful with this amazing opportunity - being in the middle of chaos, fighting with all her guts, but inevitably every day more and more battles were lost. Nothing causes more pain than watching a child die and she was the main witness of the daily tragedy. Her professional degrees were useless when hunger killed the children, they didn't respond properly to the treatment because the lack of water, food and decent conditions. And nobody – especially politicians, seemed to care.

She ended up sad and broken, so when she came back to her country she didn't know that to do. Why spent her energy helping others when nothing changes? But how could she just be there simply waiting around? She found out on the news about a clinic for children and teens, which was part of a bio-psychosocial multi-center in one of the poorest areas of Oakland. She took it as the ray of hope she needed to continue with her dream. So she started working there with other people who also tried to improve the world from their little piece of land.

It was around noon and she was about to finish her 30-hour shift, when shouts were heard from the admission.

\- "Move! We need some help!"

\- "Quick! Lay him here!" said a nurse as she opened the curtains of a cubicle.

She saw Mrs. Noxolo, one of the social workers at the center, with a man she didn't know, who had little David in his arms. These child was a regular patient of hers and he was admitted because a viral infection just about last month.

\- "What happened, Mrs. Noxolo?" she approached quickly and asked while she began to measure the child vital signs.

\- "We were in an activity, doctor. And suddenly the child fainted".

\- "What kind of activity? Playing sports? Did he present any other symptoms?", she continued performing the physical exam while the nurse looked for the first aid kit.

\- "No, doctor. We were at a lecture by Professor Stevens", she said as she pointed to the man next to her. "David didn't mention anything this morning".

\- "Doctor...?", the man asked his name while looking straight into her eyes.

\- "Rodríguez. Lexy Rodríguez".

\- "Doctor Rodríguez", he paused without losing eye contact, "the kid was sweating and a little pale at the beginning of the talk. When we finished, he fainted on the floor".

\- "Ok, very well. Nurse, let's start with IV fluids", she adjusted her glasses, "and you two, please, go to the waiting room. I'll catch you when we have the tests results".

Lexy looked at this man one last time - a warning signal was activated somewhere in the back of her mind. She called off any thought related to him and focused on what she was doing. Later she would keep up with that.

* * *

With his experience in the army and the ghost squad, he was familiar with the handling of doctors in the field of war. They were agile, with immediate reaction, and above all, what differentiated them from the other physicians was their fraternity with all the members of the battalion. It has to be your own blood in order for you to care. Something in their eyes – they look at you like if you really matters.

There was something about her that made him feel the same way. He saw her with sincere concern, without losing his calm, without mistreating the kid relatives - the mother had arrived briefly after, she had two jobs and was blaming herself for not having enough time. He saw her staying at the clinic even when her shift had finished so she could pay exclusive attention to the child.

Erik found out that the doctor was a pediatrician - she had worked there for about four months, and basically, she earned the community's acknowledgment and respect for the way she treated them and all of her patients. So much kindness confused him, and if the beauty was considered - those chocolate eyes full of determination, his caramel skin tone, short hair that gave her a playful looks -, she almost seemed to be too good to be true.

When the doctor went out to tell the mother about the child's evolution, he just stared at her. He noticed that she avoided looking at him. At first He thought it was a coincidence, but after the scene was repeated several times he realized that she kept doing it. Would he make her nervous? He wouldn't mind, in fact, the game would get more interesting.

Finally he saw the doctor when she said goodbye to the staff and left out the clinic. He quickly went after her. He heard her talking on the phone, and from what he could listen to she was waiting for a taxi, so he would have to act fast.

\- "Doctor Rodríguez?", she turned towards him, her expressive eyes looked at him with cordiality, and if he was not mistaken, also with a little relief, as if she was waiting for him to come. "I haven't had the chance to present myself properly", he said as he extended his hand, "Erik Stevens".

\- "Nice to meet you", she said matching the gesture. Erik kept her hand - small and delicate - a second longer than he should have. It felt so soft and he could bet that all of her was like that.

\- "I know it's your job, but you earned my respect today".

\- "Thank you! It's just ... well, yes, my job", she said with a bit of pride and simplicity. "The truth is that you too earn my respect, staying until now even when you don't have to".

She bit her lips unconsciously, it seemed to him that there was something naughty in her eyes, and even though she looked tired Erik found her provocative. His game was on fire.

\- " _Prayer is an exercise in passion, not indifference_ ".

You see, some women wanted to be played with romantic moves, so he usually ignored them because he had no time for those dramas. Others wanted to be dominated, which was more of his taste – he just looked at them with a wicked desire and he didn't even have to ask in order to receive because they were already giving it, which was practical but boring. And then there were those women whom he preferred not to find – the ones that you can't put a label on.

So he was intrigued. He wanted to dazzle her with facts and words, and when she gave him that captivated smile, he knew he had found the small access button he was looking for.

Before he could add anything else, a vehicle stopped in front of them.

\- "Doctor, I know you have to leave now, but would you like to met with me sometime? Maybe get a cup of coffee?".

He was used to take what he wanted and leave – without permission, no second thoughts. But now he didn't want to fuck up the opportunity before getting close, so he chose his words carefully.

She checked her purse and gave him a card with her contact information.

\- "Right now I'm a little zombie, but call me tomorrow, okay?"

\- "Okay" he said as he helped her with the taxi door, "get some rest, doc".

\- "Lexy, you can call me Lexy".

Erik smiled at her and smacked the car roof as a signal to the driver.

Once he lost sight of them, he started walking home. The day was anything but what He had planned. He was only going to fulfill his punctual quota of expiation and, nevertheless, there he was. He knew he was in trouble when he decided to stay late at a clinic, just to try to impress a girl he had just met. _He did not like that shit._ And for some reason – that _definitely_ he wasn't going to recognize -, he could not get rid of that _stupid smile_ on his face.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

I want to thank everyone for your support! If you read the fic, left review or gave follow/favorite, thank you! This kind of feedback is amazing.

Well, I wanna talk to you about some other things!

Lexy is physically based on a Colombian actress, she's like the next level! Sweet, such a beautiful smile, that's why I made so much emphasis on that xD She has an Instagram account, **elizabethminotta** go see her and tell me your thoughts, do you like how Erik and she look together? I don't know if I should describe her petite or tall, what do you think?

I'm sorry if the chapter was a little bit slow, I wanted to contextualize where the characters come from and "justify" the attraction, mostly from Erik to Lexy, because in the other way we all know that Erik is like the sexiest man ever ;)

The text about Africa belongs to Jean-Bosco Botsho, and the prayer quote is from R.C. Sproul.

By the way, I'm publishing this fic in Spanish too (I forgot to clear this up in the previous chapter)! Special thanks to **BooYouWhore101** :D

Any suggestion will be welcome!


	3. Chapter 3

**The Useless Handbook**

 **Chapter II**

* * *

 _Is it cool that I said all that?_

 _Is it chill that you're in my head?_

 _Is it too soon to do this yet?_

 _'Cause I know that it's delicate_

 _Taylor Swift, Delicate_

* * *

Lexy opened her eyes slowly. When she arrived from the clinic she went straight to the shower and as soon as she put her head on the pillow, she fell asleep right away.

In the hospital, she had to stay focused only on things inherent to her work, and when she got home, the tiredness didn't allowed her the chance to think carefully in detail about _the most fucking beautiful man_ she had ever seen. Holy Mother! Yes, there were attractive men, other cute, or sexy, but not all in one. He was very close of being dreamy, if he wasn't already.

His face seemed shaped by some god. Perfect features, eyes that crossed defenses, criminal smile and lips that any woman would love to bite. His body, just by reviewing it at a glance, stood out for its absolute firmness. He was also tall, incredibly tall, not only because anyone could be taller than she was - with her 5'1" she was in the official pixie category -, but he was more than 6'2" tall.

And he not only had those physical qualities that were more than evident, but he was also a man who, although she didn't know him thoroughly to place him in the altruistic category, he did was involved with social activities. He had also helped with the sick child, he was concern about the situation, and he had waited for her even when she spent almost 6 hours with the patient.

When her shift finally ended and she didn't see him, she thought with a bit of discouragement that he had finally left. But after hearing his voice, she couldn't help feeling excited. Yes, he was there! And with the handshake she felt a tingling, a heat, that she couldn't shake it off.

But the most shocking moment was when he said that _"prayer is an exercise in passion, not indifference"_. No, no, no. She was lost as soon as she heard it. She felt an implosion inside of her. Yes, she was interested in educated and intelligent men, committed to some cause, but this key phrase showed her that he was one of those who not only want to change the world, but he also knew that in order to do so everything started from his own hands.

And it wasn't like he needed to put together an arsenal of flirting quotes. She was pretty sure that just snapping his fingers he could have anyone he wanted. But it was the way he said that, the determination in his voice and the certainty in his eyes, as if he had an invisible but palpable background - she had sensed his truth and crossed the bridge that he unfolded.

What a dangerous combination, right? He had the looks, the mind and the heart. And of course, everything about him, all of him had a feline halo of mystery and danger that inevitably attracted her. She knew that any attempt to resist would be in vain.

Something inside her warned her to take things slowly, not to trust at all, to control herself a little. However, without caring about all those warning signs, she was overwhelmed by this feeling of wanting everything that possibly could happen. She didn't believe in love at first sight, but there was something _Erik Stevens_ had that drove her to jump into the rabbit hole.

She reached out and took the phone from the bedside table. She did the same thing every day: watch the clock, take a look at new publications of the medical journals she followed, answer any questions or greetings she had received, and little by little she got the strength to get out of bed. Only now she was wondering if he had communicated as they agreed yesterday.

Let's see, missed calls and messages from her mother - she would deal with that later -, friends, co-workers, patients' relatives, colleagues, and... and...

Yes! Oh yeah! A message from an unregistered number – which she now added to her contacts - was displayed on the phone screen.

 _"Good morning, Lexy. Waiting for our coffee, lunch, dinner, or whatever you feel in the mood for"._

 _Whatever she feels in the mood for?_ So we also included playful in the list of Erik's features. It was obvious that he was a naughty boy, but she liked to know for sure more facets of him. And he also called her for her name instead of doctor, just as she had asked him. So she was smiling at the screen and began to feel her cheeks blushed. Was it possible that this man with only a message already caused such an effect on her?

What was she going to do? Write him? Call him? The message was delivered at 9am, and it was... 4pm! Lexy sat up suddenly; she hadn't slept so much and so deep for years! Many hours had passed, so she'd better call him. She started walking around the room. Her hands were sweating and she felt a little nauseous.

She felt her heart pounding and forced herself to breathe deeply.

* * *

Erik was in his third round of exercise. Normally he did it at least once a day, but he was so anxious that he had to triple physical activity to keep his mind clear. He was in the gym all morning; early he had boxed and then he did legs. Since it was more than noon and he had not heard from her, he decided to go jogging.

Even with the headphones on and the music to the whole volume that was tolerable, every time he lost concentration - what was happening to him frequently since yesterday -, he couldn't help but think of Lexy.

Normally he followed two modus operandi as far as women were concerned. If he needed some information for his objectives, he made a scan to choose the one that could be most useful, used a contact to investigate them and identify weak points to manipulate them, broke them, got what he wanted and sent them away. The other was the casual way; if there were easy prey, he used them to try to satisfy him. Yes, he had a good time, even sometimes a very good time; in fact, his favorites were those that were clear in that he had nothing to offer, but everything to take, without repeating, without snags. Either way, he was never satisfied at all.

But with her he was very intrigued. He hadn't decided how to maneuver. He was interested to know everything about her, but he didn't want to share her data with anyone else. The first thing he did was to find out what appeared on the internet. He only found out her profile in medical networks – Alexandra was her full name; he liked it in both ways -, with information about the university and year in which she graduated, her specialties, areas of expertise and work experience.

It wasn't enough for him; he wanted to know more, to know everything. He was tempted to hack all the pages that gave him the most information, but it felt strange, as if it was not quite right. That is, he knew that violating privacy was illegal, but he simply never cared. He set his sights on something, he got it and that's it. But somehow, when it came to her, he just couldn't do it. _Dammit_.

He was a man who was always ahead, but not in a random way, but as he was moving calculated which of all the variables was the most feasible. And the only consequence that mattered was success. He didn't stop; it just wasn't part of his program. But something had _Lexy Rodríguez_ that impelled him to take the risk of breathing and contemplating her.

Well, he would put a pause to the impatient desire to take everything no matter what; he would wait for her to tell him whatever, everything, what she wanted. That's why he had sent her that message. He hadn't called her because obviously she would be very tired and they barely knew each other. Usually he wouldn't mind, but with her, well, apparently she was the only exception for his rules.

He knew that maybe he had played a bit the limits of the morally acceptable with the _"whatever you're in the mood for"_ thing, but he wanted the doctor first thing to do when she woke up was to think about him, to get excited imagining that they could be together in _any_ situation and she wanted it like he did. Because, shit! _He was dying to taste her_.

He slowed down the walk until he stopped completely. He looked at the clock, it was almost 4pm and he still had no sign of her, but his patience was plenty. He was stretching when the music stopped abruptly and when he picked up the phone he saw an incoming call.

"Hey Lexy, good to hear you", he said genuinely.

"Hi, Erik!", he liked that sleepy voice of hers.

"Newly awake?", he had never been able to sleep that much, even when he wasn't on a mission.

"Yeah, shame on me! Sorry I'm calling you so late, it's that – ".

"No prob, you had a difficult day, you had to rest".

"Right, but either way, do you think we can still see each other? Maybe you made plans or you're busy, I totally understand it. I slept too much, I don't know why, and I, uhm, oh, I'm sorry! I'm talking non-stop".

Erik smirked. He liked that he had that effect on her. He wasn't the only one who had been anxious all day. He could bet she was blushing.

"Hey, don't worry, I always have time for you".

What?! What did he just say? _I always have time for you_? He put a hand to his forehead in exasperation. He had to fix that. _Good god!_

"I mean, as we agreed to meet today, I left free agenda".

Okay, that was much better. He sounded respectably interested without falling into the despair of _OhDearGodHereIAmWaitingForYou_ kind of thing. Although that was basically the truth she didn't need to know about that.

"Oh!", he couldn't tell if that exclamation meant that she was upset, disappointed, or perhaps flattered?. "Very nice of you Erik, so, do you think it's okay if we see each other in a while?".

He assumed everything was fine because otherwise she would have canceled, right?

"Sure, tell me place and time".

"Do you know this place called Sweet Grannie?".

"Sweet Grannie?".

Erik smiled, he thought that his doctor - well, yes, _his_ doctor Lexy - would have suggestions more, let's say, pretentious? Weren't doctors like that?

"Yes, it's great! Seriously, trust me, I have a sort of sweet tooth degree!", and he heard her laugh and suddenly that sound seemed like one of his favorites.

"Is that so?", he laughed with her, "So I can trust you with my life and the selection of _desserts_?", just a hint of insinuation.

"Totally, you won't be disappointed", she said with another playful giggle, "At 6pm, then?".

"Yeah, I'll be there".

"See you!".

He heard the click that ended the call.

He didn't know exactly why, but that call calmed him down. Maybe he was making a mistake, maybe he was giving the situation more importance than it really deserved, or maybe she was a mirage and he just had to try her and then cross her off his list.

The truth was that he was justifying himself, because he didn't want to admit that he was afraid. He, being Erik Stevens, being Killmonger, being N'Jadaka, was no longer afraid of anything. Yes, he was very worried about not fulfilling his final goal, but that was precisely what motivated him to move forward, one life after another like a videogame.

But with Lexy... It was impossible not to freeze in the face of the unknown. He wasn't going to fall in love – or whatever! period. He was only going to contemplate the flames consumed everything except him. Although Erik knew in the back of his mind, with that tingling in the stomach, and that stupid smile that had apparently decided to settle in his face, he wouldn't be able to escape unscathed from this fire.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

Hello! Once again I want to thank all of you who leave review, follow and favorite. You're a fundamental part of my motivation :)

By the way, the _rabbit hole_ is a wink of Alice in Wonderland: 3

Sorry if Erik is too much OoC, I'm working on it and I hope to stay close from what characterizes him ;) I like the idea of Erik being freeze in some way (yeah T'challa and Erik have that in common because they are adorable cousins that freeze when they see their respective girls!), while Lexy is in _gowiththeflow_ mode.

I also want to thank **BooYouWhore101** , my latinopowahsistah. Go to her profile and check her fanfic, you will be captivated by _Wildest Dreams_ , with T'Challa as the protagonist. She writes amazing! and she has an awesome ability to work with emotions and situations, it's hilarious and romantic, besides all characters are totally IC, seriously, you will fall in love for real!

Well, I hope to read you soon!


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